Teachers to Introduce Subway Surfer Gameplay on Display During Class to Help boost attention rates

“Teachers (they, 35-50) have also been uploading their lessons to reddit to make them more engaging.”

TORONTO, ON- Toronto schools are facing an unprecedented challenge: a jaw-dropping 0.0025% increase in distracted students. This unexpected surge has thrown the Flounder District School Board (FDSB) into a frenzy. Desperate for solutions, several trials were conducted, such as therapy flounders, a live orchestra, a live Orca, a live opera, Dwayne Johnson, taking away their rights, and blaming it on the economy. Unfortunately, the stock market’s ups and downs were not the reason why Timmy couldn’t focus in advanced calculus. The fish drowned before they could memorize their lesson plans and serenading algebra did not yield the desired results. All Dwanyne did was inspire Timmy to shave his head and wrestle his textbook. Get it together Timmy. In the end, one test majorly outperformed the rest and was the clear winner of the bunch.

The FDSB now presents to you the new provincial mandate: Subway Surfer gameplay. With one half of the screen displaying school work and the other half displaying the high-quality, childhood classic mobile game of teens vandalizing and outrunning a chubby cop, we’ve witnessed engagement levels skyrocket to unprecedented levels. Now, teens are outrunning both cops and the consequences of not paying attention in class. And guess what? Research indicates that if we force reddit-user Timmy to rewrite lesson plans, our engagement rates double! r/AITA (short form of “Am I the Airplane’’) seems to be the most effective of the bunch, followed closely by r/NuclearRevenge and r/MaliciousCompliance. Below we have included lesson plans from a Grade 11 English class.

r/AITA - “Am I the Airplane” Short Stories Edition 👻 u/hah_me_lit Title: A Ghostly Dilemma “Am I the Airplane for, you know, making my uncle(M,34) join his ancestors? I mean, my dad (M,86) got slayed by him and then came back as a ghost, and he told me to do it 😞.

r/MaliciousCompliance - When Love Meets the Afterlife 💃 u/rowmeoh (featuring droolee@) Title: Love Beyond the Grave “So, my family said we couldn’t be together in this life, but we’re all about breaking boundaries. We (M,23 and F,20) connected to god’s wifi and decided to explore the afterlife together. Who says love can’t transcend the mortal coil?”

r/NuclearRevenge - When Pigs Rebel 🐖 u/nuhUhPolean Title: Pork Rebellion: A Swine Tale “My fellow omnivorous domesticated hoofed mammals, sporting sparse bristly hair and snouts for rootin’, were suffering. They were underfed and overworked, so I did what any self-respecting pig would do. I started a rebellion. Well, now they’re overworked and underfed- in style! Swine justice has been served!”

As you can see, the FDSB is brewing a bright future of contributions to society, and Timmy’s grades have never been higher.