TDSB Social Media Ban Now Includes Google Classroom

TORONTO ON - In an attempt to protect students from harmful distractions, the Toronto District School Board has expanded its social media ban to Google Classroom, claiming the platform “encourages too much communication between students and teachers” and that students are spending “far too much time on it.”

“Students have been commenting, posting pictures, and worst of all…asking questions! After posting one assignment, I get bombarded with 20 comments, and my inbox overflows!” complained Mrs. Grumps, a teacher at a local high school.

The Google Classroom ban emerges just a month after the popular social media app bans like TikTok and Instagram, sparking outrage and confusion among students. “First they took away TikTok, now Google Classroom?” said Tim Tom, a grade 11 student. “What am I supposed to look at now when I’m bored? The wall?”

This decision was made after the board realized that Google Classroom displays the same harmful features as social media platforms:constant notifications, scrolling, and heavy levels of communication. “Google Classroom is now Instagram, but just with deadlines,” said Edu Kashion, a TDSB trustee.

In replacement of Google Classroom, teachers invented Paper Classroom, claiming it’s a cutting-edge innovation. In reality, it’s just piles of paper stapled together. For assignments due at 11:59 pm, students are now required to use pigeon carriers to deliver their work. An early report has revealed that while student attention in class has risen by 101%, grades have mysteriously started to plummet.

Despite the chaos, TDSB insists that the ban is victorious. “Now there is no possible way for students to communicate online during class,” said Edu Kashion. “Sure, some pigeons and assignments are missing, but it just builds character and responsibility!”