Club presidents beg students to join their club at club crawl

TORONTO ON - During Mackenzie’s yearly club crawl, an event where junior students are able to learn about all the clubs at Mackenzie, club presidents have thrown themselves at students to hopefully secure members who will be able to continue the club’s legacy. One nonchalant dreadhead says, “I was so overwhelmed at the sheer number of club presidents who were groveling at my feet begging for me to join their clubs. Ladies I’m tryna do my work type shift, leave me alone type shift.”

In order to make sure that they secure members in the Junior grades, many club presidents have even resorted to the use of bribery. “If you join our club I will give you free junior chickens for life!” said one desperate club president. “If you join our club I will personally guarantee you admission to your dream university,” shouted another club president. The worst part is that all of this bribery is working. The clubs with these bribes are the ones getting the most junior members while the clubs who did not get enough budget were the ones left to become creative. Some clubs prepared tearful poems (Shakespeare style) begging students in the cafeteria to join their club.

As the bell rang, another successful, very oversimulating event at Mackenzie had been concluded. Club crawl has once again achieved its ultimate purpose: leaving club presidents with no dignity at all and junior students wondering how and when they even signed up for 30 clubs.