Examination Replacement Proposal (REJECTED)

Despite hours of research by our top experts, we here at the Flounder are still unsure as to why the province of Ontario has decided that 30% of a secondary student’s grade is to be determined by a final assessment. Furthermore, it was proven mathematically indeterminable as to why the standard for many courses has become to make that assessment an exam. We as students are intimately familiar with the stress that comes before such an event. Such studying, which accounts for our longest nights and our worst days, filled with caffeine, tears, and regret. Therefore, our closest guess is that exams were created as a torture method. Someone in the Ministry of Education vehemently hates children, and is doing a very bad job of hiding it. I mean, who hasn’t looked at an exam study sheet and literally thought, end me?

Which is precisely where our proposal comes in. You see, Mr. Minister of Education, our team has come up with an ingenious solution to this issue. We understand the ministry’s position on culminating projects; we also understand the detrimental stress that it causes students. Our proposed solution to these issues is as follows: to get the final 30% of your grade, you need only compete in a Hunger Games-style fight to the death.

There are numerous benefits that come with this new system, such as survival skills training, less marking for teachers, and entertainment value. However, the biggest advantage is clear: this will do away with exam stress for secondary students. Gone are the days of spending late nights hunched over textbooks. Students can use this time for more valuable ventures. For example, sharpening a spear to a perfect point. It’s also been shown in numerous studies that spending time in nature is beneficial to one’s mental health. With this assessment tool, students will spend weeks becoming one with nature. Especially if they camouflage themselves into the foliage to escape the peers chasing them. Besides, who has time to be stressed out when you’re running for your life?

Many schools across the province are currently operating on shoestring budgets. Imagine how school funds would skyrocket if, out of every class, only one student survived to the end of the semester. Yes, some of this money would have to go towards building elaborate arenas for students to hunt each other down in. However, it would certainly be paid back after a couple of years. Not to mention, we could probably get grants to source most of the weapons necessary for this new endeavour from generous supporters of education.

Overall, we believe that a Hunger Games-esque event will prove beneficial for all parties involved. It will, of course, be most beneficial to the victor of each class, who will emerge from the arenas with a flat 100 on their exam.