Mackenzie Students Distressed Over New Lafloofloos
Last week, BigFish announced the launch of a brand new series of Lafloofloo toys in response to the immense commercial success for the first series, and Mackenzie students are completely obsessed. Unfortunately, not many details are known about the new series as fans were screaming so much at the press conference, you couldn’t hear the CEO of BigFish.
Lafloofloos are the most adorable little creatures you’ve ever seen! Every student at Mackenzie has one hanging on their bag and (probably) five more at home. According to BigFish, the toys come in blind boxes, which makes the experience more “special” because you never know which one you’re going to get. A Lafloofloo can be yours today for the impressively low price of $999.99!
Many students logged onto BigFish’s website to purchase Lafloofloos, however… The server went down! This left many students extremely upset because they were unable to purchase the new Lafloofloos as soon as they were released. A distressed collector was in agony after hearing the devastating news. “Having to wait a day is the most painful thing I’ve ever been through” - Impay Shent, 2025. After this, he began to create a visible pool of tears on the ground, and a concerned passerby thought that he just peed himself.
At the Flounder, we sought special insight with the experience of opening and collecting Lafloofloos. We interviewed Noma Knee, who is Mackenzie’s top Lafloofloo collector.
Despite the new series having been out for just a few days, Knee has every one of them except for the blue Lafloofloo, which is the rarest one that she is trying incredibly hard to obtain.
“Finding the blue Lafloofloo is like finding my AirPods™. I know it’s there somewhere, and I’ll find it eventually,” said Knee. “It may not look fun, but the thrill of opening Lafloofloo boxes is like the single time I got 100% on a math test. Exhilarating, and no one is there to criticize my chicken scratch handwriting.”
Knee has worked in the mines ever since the very first Lafloofloos were released in order to save up to buy them all. Collecting them is the only thing that allows her to escape the harsh realities of the real world. Knee spends all of her free time buying Lafloofloos to unbox.
The report states that Knee opened the sacred box very carefully and handled the bag inside like it was made of glass. “Lafloofloos are very delicate and their fur can get damaged quite easily. Even the tiniest chip can dramatically decrease their value.” - Noma Knee, 2025.
She carefully cut open the bag, and what she saw inside reignited PTSD from previous unboxings, which resulted in her immediately viscerally sobbing. “I AM GOING TO HUNT DOWN WHOEVER PACKED THIS STUPID BOX! I ALREADY HAVE THE GRAY ONE!!!” Knee cartwheeled in anger, her newfound rage erupting out of her.
When Knee finally got herself together again, her final words were: “This is an unfortunate part of the Lafloofloo experience. But I’ll just get another one!” Little did she know, the next box would also contain a gray Lafloofloo. Our reporters left before anything could happen to them.