Administration to crack down on dabbing

TORONTO, ON – School regulations are making waves in the daily routines of students, as the popular dance move known as the “dab” has been outlawed. This drastic move resulted from a student, who, while simultaneously dabbing with their friend, suffered a black eye and sprained wrist. Such an injury is the first of its kind at William Lyon Mackenzie C.I.

“I don’t know how to feel about this new change,” they commented. “On the one hand, I’m upset because dabbing has become a daily greeting between my friends and I. But on the other hand, it’s so outdated that it causes emotional pain to those who view the spectacle.”

School statisticians estimate that the number of arm and wrist related injuries occurring on school property will be reduced by 6.3%, and the number of completed assignments will increase by 3.1%.