Mackenzie doubles height of hallways to alleviate congestion

TORONTO, ON – In an effort to ease congestion in school hallways, TDSB approved a renovation at William Lyon Mackenzie C.I. over the summer to increase the hallway height from 2.5 metres to 5.0 metres.

Students now travel the halls one on top of another in an orderly fashion. Students travelling north and east walk on the bottom, holding textbooks above their heads. Students travelling south and west walk on top.

“These kids are really well-coordinated,” said one history teacher. “They look like a giant Roman army in constant testudo formation when they walk around with their little textbooks over their heads.”

Many teachers have noticed improvements in their students’ morale after implementing the new traffic system. Teachers report that students arrive to class earlier, are more organised, get more exercise, and are more disciplined.

As one teacher says, “The new traffic system is really revolutionary. Not only did it free up space in the halls, students are getting more exercise. They are starting to be as sharp as soldiers. I really think that this system is the best possible way that we could have solved our congestion problem.”

While most of the school population is touting the benefits of the stacking system, some students are raising safety concerns. Notably, they are worried about the potential dangers of travelling at such high speeds.

“On the surface, the new traffic system may seem just as safe as our old system of overcrowding the halls as an unyielding mob, but there is actually a hidden threat: speed,” describes the head student advocate for the withdrawal of the stacked student system. “With how efficient the new traffic system is, students are moving too fast for their body to handle, resulting in more accidents.”

Renovations in the school are still under way. Current plans feature another level of lockers and overhead monkey bars. Doorways will be kept the same height to comply with fire safety regulations.