- Autopsies of Murder Victims Find That They All Drank Dihydrogen Monoxide
- Two Students Suspended After a Virtual Arm Wrestle Got Out of Hand
- Calculus and Yoga Course to Replace Calculus and Vectors
- Dangerous Clown Wanted for Popping Balloon Animals
- Breaking News: More Breaking News
- Mackenzie’s Portables Announce Planned Referendum on Independence from Central Building
- Among Us (NYSE: AMGUS) Stock up 63% after IPO Sparks Buzz Among Impostors
- Global Health Organization: Air is Lethal After 82 Years on Average
- AAPL Stock Up 43% After New iPhone Announced to be a Solid Aluminum Cube
- Scientists Discover That the Past Is Over
- Mackenzie to Implement Mandatory Echolocation Class for New Grade 9 Students
- World’s Darkest Material Found to Still Be Brighter Than Most Students’ Futures
- Canada Names the Flounder as its National Fish and Newspaper
- The Flounder Under Investigation for Dishonesty
- Flounder Acquires Lyon in Multi-Billion Dollar Hostile Takeover
- Mackenzie Officially Declared the World's Largest School
- WHO Declares Senioritis the World’s Most Dangerous Disease
- Flat-Earthers Rejoice After Discovering Bottom of Shoes are Flat
- Lyon News Network Under Investigation for Spreading Misinformation
