Mackenzie Instituting New "Virtual Hallways" Between Zoom Classes

"We hear you loud and clear," says administration in response to student body's declining mental health

By: Felipe Castro Sr. III

Toronto ON – Mackenzie students are aghast following an announcement from the Mackenzie administration that new “virtual hallways” will be introduced between Zoom classes. The regulation intends to combat rising concern over students’ mental health by re-exposing them to overcrowded and generally stress-inducing spaces during the COVID-19 pandemic. “The logic is sound,” affirmed acting Deputy VP of Student Affairs, Felipe Castro. “We are very proud to bring back an essential element of pre-COVID student life for Mackenzie students,” he continued.

Teachers also seemed interested in the prospect of issuing virtual hall passes for students who wish to go back to loitering outside of class instead of going to the washroom. When asked whether they would consider issuing virtual hall passes for students, 70% of teachers answered “yes”, while the rest said that students should “go to the washroom during lunch”.

Meanwhile, new virtual hall monitors have indicated they intend to enforce the same rules virtually as they had in-person. “There will be no eating lunch on the virtual second floor,” declared the Mackenzie hallway spokesperson, Felipe Castro Jr. II. He went on to deny any relation to the aforementioned acting Deputy VP of Student Affairs, Felipe Castro; however, his claims are disputed by The Flounder’s best experts.