The Halloween Hustle: A Practical Guide to Candy Scalping
Business Hallway, Mackenzie – The season of spooks and scares has come to an end, and children from around the world have joyfully refilled their stashes of sweets. Most of this candy is fated to disappear, slowly and sadly, into the tummies of their owners (and possibly their hungry parents).
However, according to business experts, there is potential concealed beneath the wrappers. One such expert is Trist “Scalpel” Coan, 14, business mogul and master entrepreneur, with whom the Flounder sat for an interview.
FLOUNDER: Thank you for doing this, Coan.
COAN: Anytime, thanks for the opportunity.
FLOUNDER: Let’s get to it, then. You and your colleagues have been tracking this “economic phenomenon” for the past few weeks following Halloween. Could you give us a brief description?
COAN: Yes, so, there’s an annual drop in demand for candy among students in the days following Halloween. Quite self-explanatory, everyone has their own candy, so there’s less need for more. However, once everyone’s supply is used up, the need for candy spikes, boosted by sugar withdrawals and enticing Christmas advertisements. A late-November, early-December “candy fever” is often the result of this—where children are willing to pay exorbitant prices for sweets.
FLOUNDER: How can the average student take advantage of this?
COAN: By scalping their candy! Candy collected on Halloween is obtained for free, so students can make a profit by selling their treats for even a few nickels—and schools are the ideal venues for scalping! Students can get candy for free at events like Club Crawl and as prizes when participating in club events. The only competition is candy grams, which fortunately don’t sell during November! With this in mind, any business savvy student can make a killing.
FLOUNDER: Do you have any advice on scalping?
COAN: Of course! A student has to be aware of the emotional bandwidth of each potential customer, and be ready to adapt. For example, if you approach a shy or introverted customer, be aggressive and accusatory. If you come across a happy customer, bring them down a peg and console them with a chocolate bar. Honestly, as long as you take the Telemarketer Approach™, you’ll be swimming in cash in no time.
FLOUNDER: What is your experience with scalping? How did you come up with the name?
COAN: Oh, that silly thing? Well, I mogrivated a dying cutlery business using stoffication and prevented it from being rupkified. No small deal.
FLOUNDER: Wow! Please tell me more about that.
COAN: Wow, look at the time! Unfortunately I have to get to class.
Lei Zi is one of thirty Head Interns at the Flounder and the author of Cooking with Exposure: a Recipes for Artists. He is currently working twenty-five hours a day to provide for his Tamagotchi.
