High School Students Discover Shocking Information About Flounder Fish

TORONTO, ON - The Flounder Fish is the iconic symbol of 132% legitimate news at William Lyon Mackenzie, and students are in shock after discovering the truth.

In late October 2022, a team of Flounder writers noted some irregularities in the color and size of the beloved flounder that swims in an aquarium in Flounder’s office in the basement of William Lyon Mackenzie C.I. After spending two weeks running experiments and searching through records of the fish’s health history in the library’s TSFID (Top Secret Fish Information Department), they found that the DNA of the fish varied slightly and yet significantly from the DNA shown on its records. The young writers–calling themselves the Flounder Fish Investigating Team (FFIT)–concluded that the current flounder is most certainly not the original.

After cornering the Chair of the CDFDRC (Canadian Dead Fish Disposal and Repurposing Committee) in a school-appropriate manner, the FFIT succeeded in uncovering some interesting information. Two editors from the Flounder have been participating in the CDFDRC’s bi-monthly FDFs (Fish Disposal Festival). When cornered, the two editors admitted that the original flounder died years ago as have other replacement flounders and that the current flounder is the forty-third flounder to take up occupancy in the The Flounder’s aquarium. The group originally agreed that it was best to keep this information confidential. Unfortunately, circumstances concerning the nature of highschoolers render that plan unfeasible.

The TDSB issued a 10 day period of mourning and school closure beginning on November the 2nd to honor the death of the Flounder. The FMGC, also known as the Fish Mourning Grand Council, insisted the time off is necessary to “get even with England’’ for the additional time they had to mourn the Queen’s death, as well as demonstrate concern for students’ mental health.

“I just can’t believe it. The fish was so special to me,” Flounder senior editor, Hally Bit, said, between sobs of despair. “I can’t believe I have been inspired by a fraud. I never would have guessed that something fishy was going on.”

The two editors responsible for replacing each dead flounder with a new one apologized for the deception in a recent TikTok video. Mackenzie students say the deception is unfor-gill-able.

Flounder senior editors want to assure the Mackenzie community that the two editors have been removed from the club and that the current Flounder Fish will remain alive, unharmed, and irreplaceable (at least, for three weeks).