Student begins to float after forgetting to account for gravity on their physics test

TORONTO, ON — One small formulaic mistake turned a student into a floating sensation.

The student, who has been nicknamed “Gravity Gary” by fellow classmates, was reportedly writing a physics test last Monday morning when he suddenly and mysteriously began to float up in the air, along with his desk and chair.

Gary, who’s an avid reader of The Flounder and closely follows its procrastination tips, said he had studied very hard for the test,- a whole half-hour at 2am on the morning of the test. When writing it, he accidentally left gravity out of an equation, an error that brought forth a very puzzling and unusual consequence.

“It was so crazy and cool! I felt like an astronaut floating up there,” Gary recounted of the event. However, he does admit the embarrassment he felt, even amidst his confusion, when he realized the silly mistake and all the problems it had caused. “When I realized the gravity of my mass-ive mistake, my heart fell with the weight of the issue.”

Gary’s physics teacher, Ms.Notwen, immediately ordered Gary to write the word “gravity” in all caps on his paper, which put an end to Gary’s paranormal floating. When asked how she knew the solution to such an abnormal occurrence, Ms.Notwen explained:

“Oh, this strange knowledge came from past experiences with test mishaps. The floating incident is nothing compared to the time a girl forgot to account for friction, and over-accounted for inertia on her test. Sheesh, as soon as she got up to hand in her test, she was whizzing across the room, out the door and down the hall!”

The inertia episode Ms.Notwen described must have made quite the scene, but Gravity Gary’s anti-gravity event was still a definite showstopper - he’s quickly become somewhat of a school celebrity. A “floating craze” has been buzzing around the school, and masses of students have pestered Gary for days wanting to learn how to defy gravity just like he did. He consistently responds that he simply left gravity out of an equation. Physics teachers have since been very frustrated due to a recent substantial drop in marks.

Due to the various conspiracy theories that have gained traction in recent days - including that Ms.Notwen cast the anti-gravity “spell” to lower her students’ marks (after all, she was the one who instantly knew how to get him down), and that it was all the scheme of a disgruntled Mackenzie ghost who recently awoke from deep beneath the school grounds - an investigation to identify the true cause of the floating is to be held soon. It was set to begin on Thursday, but is currently postponed to October due to concerns raised by the pro-bureaucracy club.

As for Gary, he’s happy to soak in his 15 minutes of fame, despite having to complete a write-up on the importance of gravity, titled “The Gravity of Gravity”, as punishment for disrupting his class during the test - in addition to cleaning the desk and pencil marks off of the classroom ceiling. Gary is also reportedly doing much better in his physics class, saying he now understands the concept of gravity. And when asked for his opinion on the whole floating episode and the aftermath, he replied with the following:

“Hey, the way I see it, the floating thing was a super awesome experience. I’m getting better grades now, and I’ve become a school celebrity! I for one think it’s a major win-win-win scenario.” Then laughing, he adds, “well, except for my failed test of course!”