Five Minute Alarms to be Added to Hall Passes

William Lyon Mackenzie CI - A brillant Toronto school has mandated a new Hall Pass that schools all across the board are soon to mimic. In hopeful dreams of increasing class attendance and decreasing the dirty delinquents in the halls, screeching alarms have been implanted into hall passes. The alarms are planned to go off every 5 minutes, stopping only when the delinquent has returned to class.

“We hope that this will weed out all the hall-wanderers and class skippers, which will definitely make our job much easier,” said the CEO of the Association of Local Alerting Response Managers (ALARM), the mastermind behind the operation.

Students, however, have much to say about it, profound and profane. “Sometimes I need more than 5 minutes to wander around aimlessly!” stated an enraged student. Another student was distressed and potentially depressed about exactly what sound the alarm would play. “I don’t see why the school can’t make the alarm sound good. We should all be able to play our favourite songs, not that garbage purge alarm.” The evoked students floundering about the halls of William Lyon Mackenzie are wailing, but the sounds are simply overpowered by the hall passes that threaten such alarming insanity.

ALARM has since been a paragon of hope for the rest of the TDSB for increasing class attendance, and by default, test scores and humanity as a whole. However, improvements in those areas are yet to be seen. Students have since become practical experts in the growing field of alarm destruction, the proof littering the hallways in scraps and gears and the many, many tears.