Kids’ Safety Organization Promotes Accepting Candy from Strangers at Night as “Perfectly Safe”
TORONTO, ON — With the Halloween season fast approaching, kids’ safety organization, ‘Safety Always First for Everyone’ (SAFE), recently released a new and updated series of general safety tip videos for kids. These videos have been widely viewed this past week, thanks to a decision by the TDSB to broadcast them in class to all elementary and middle school-aged students.
These safety videos immediately exploded in controversy, due to their messaging to kids that accepting food from complete strangers at night is “perfectly safe” even without parental supervision. Initially, many parents and teachers believed these safety tips applied only for Halloween night, which most agreed was completely acceptable. However, SAFE representatives promptly responded otherwise.
“Our video tips are obviously relevant year-round. After all, if they work for some random night in October, they should no doubt work all the time!” says SAFE security chief Tubi Trust-Ed.
The widely contended messaging of these videos has led to the rise of parent group ‘Common Sense Limited’ (Common Sense Ltd.). This group is determined to force the board to “immediately halt the screening of these ridiculous and misleading videos”, as quoted by group leader, Trikatrit Frikandi.
Ms. Frikandi further asserts, “What happened to the old ‘stranger danger’ message? Why on earth are we encouraging our kids to actively seek out and accept candy from complete strangers at night?”
SAFE’s counterargument is simply that the classic ‘stranger danger’ attitude is out-of-date for today’s times. The organization’s chief advisor, Mr. E. Stranger, who has only been arrested twice for suspicious behaviour, insists that “kids just don’t talk to strangers enough these days - what a missed opportunity for these youth to meet new, totally completely well-meaning people.”
He adds on, “And don’t just take it from us - our largest funder, ‘Suspicious Candy Corp,’ also supports our mission to make kids feel safer about nighttime snacking.”
This sentiment is echoed by the school board as well. Board representatives explained that 127% of the yearly budget had been allocated to consultant fees (rather than textbooks or AC units) related to finding a suitable company to provide the safety tip videos. The consultant used, a part-time vampire, part-time wizard named Count Sus, advised the use of SAFE, and given the outrageous sum paid for this consulting service, TDSB reps claim that SAFE simply must be a reputable company.
Currently, Common Sense Ltd. are attempting to take SAFE and the school board to court for promoting “extremely unsafe practices” to children, but are having difficulty amassing supporters due to what they call “a lack of common sense.” But for now, if you trust SAFE’s safety tips, then the only things you have to fear this Halloween season are some spooky ghosts (and maybe the odd vampire-wizard).