The Outrage Of The Season - War Against The Snowy Winters

TORONTO, ON - Throughout the years, Toronto’s winters have always been a joy for the city’s people. Recently, these winters have been more slush and mud rather than snow, and when snow does fall, EMS service reports 5 times the amount of calls for back breaks from shoveling. However, meteorologist and amateur poet Dr. Avery Rhéal DeGree discussed the upcoming winter in their most recent haiku, ‘Toronto Winter – A Haiku’, presented here: ‘Winter’s new outrage; Toronto snow for three days; missing tradition.’ The Haiku was poorly received by critics, with critic Thé DiOuse saying the poem should show more ‘emotion’ and respect for the craft. However, the general population’s main concern was the three days of snow as promised by Dr. DeGree. Three days of snow comes as a shock to the public: “It is a disgrace to Toronto’s slushy traditions!” exclaimed a passionate Torontonian and slush enthusiast.

From this outrage a movement has spawned, with a local school newspaper leading the charge into tradition. This newspaper, known as The Flounder, has taken a pivotal role in protests against the snowy winters. They protest by promoting the classic slush-winter activities like ‘mud sledding’ and ‘mud devils’. A prominent figure among these protests is Flounder club president Stew Dant, who says, “The world embraces the glorious staples of Toronto winter: Mud, ice and slush. Our mission as the youth of Toronto is to spread this soggy misery to an international community.” Stew Dant has started protests, advocating for the creation of more roads and p, as increasing pollution in Toronto to maximize the number of days our traditional winters had – mushy and wet just like March and April!

Stew Dant did not start with the passion against these snowy winters – in fact, he grew up with fond memories of making snowmen and snow angels. However, during the suffocating winter months that led to snow at about 10 feet in height, he was told he had to shovel it all by himself. Stew shoveled from dawn until dusk, sure at every point his back was on the verge of snapping in half and he was about to freeze. He came back up the elevators at sunset, proud of the work he put in; only to realize… he lived in an apartment! The only snow he had to shovel was right on his balcony! Since that day, he has vowed against the snow, and the snowy winters.