How to Achieve Academic Excellence Without Having to Study

“A comprehensive guide for the truly committed procrastinator."

By: _______

By: _______
December 9, 2025

Academic stress is probably one of the greatest challenges for ~~a student~~ anyone to go through. When you have piling chores and responsibilities at home, plus the 25 pages of calculus assigned, there’s no room for fun anymore. Pfft…who cares about calculus anyway, is inevitably what you will utter when you check your clock and it reads 11 pm on a Sunday night. Turns out your math teacher cared…a lot. Now you’re sitting in the office with your disappointed parents while you get the procrastination talk.

Has anyone ever watched Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator by Tim Urban? Well over 75 million people have. So what’s my point with all this? The point is, from Tim Urban to your principal, no one seems to understand. Maybe the issue wasn’t ever being a procrastinator; maybe the real problem was how you were procrastinating. So to my fellow leave it ‘till the last sweaty second friends, this is for you…

THE GUIDE

1. Unlock Psychokinesis in the depths of your mind.
As one of our more popular methods, this requires IMMENSE time and effort. You must spend anywhere from 1 - 4 hours a day for 2 months to reach the ability to move a toothpick, let alone a piece of paper. To use this method, wait as your teacher tries to prepare the test on their computer, and levitate pencils and paper airplanes to throw them at the board. Do this until they become so confused and agitated that they leave their computer out in the open, perfect for you to take a peek at whatever is being written to plot the demise of your grade.

2. Have a very brave and absolutely willing friend to hold a bulletin board with answers.
Why involve only yourself in a totally-will-not-go-as-planned-one-million-things-could-go-wrong activity when you could bring your friend down with you? Literally. Like, down to the office. Have someone hold a huge board and wave it around like a crazy maniac, while silently pointing to the answers to something you didn’t study for. It’s the perfect high-risk, no-reward scheme, especially when you realize not only can you not read the tiny font from 20 feet away, but your friend also has to be outside the classroom. Good luck reading through the walls!

3. Our last and most effective tip is just plain cheating. Here’s a simple step-by-step instruction guide to learn how to do it best. Go home, open the material, and memorize it so it’s engraved into your brain. Then, when your assessment comes up, look inside your brain for the answers. It’s as simple as that!

So, whether you really couldn’t study, or you just didn’t want to, use this guide and study it hard, because these methods will only work with 100% of your effort and time.

From your fellow struggling procrastinators